Disappointment Comes, So What, Now What

I know that it is early but I just got off the phone with one of the most important people in my life. He was going through a crisis and needed to talk to me. On the one hand, he was concerned about his disappointment or should I say being a disappointment. The caller was my son. Now this is what you have to know about my son or should I say this particular son, he always wants to make Mama proud. He is ride or die for his mama and will mess someone up for talking about, messing over, or mistreating HIS mama! No matter what I do or don't do, he loves me unconditionally and is proud of me. I epitomize success for him because he has seen me rise from the ashes as he said to me tonight "with my OWN eyes." So now he is evaluating his performance and is coming up short, now what?

As I listened to him talk about getting his grades and playing basketball, I found myself transported back to his father who played basketball in college briefly and his brother who played basketball in high school until he quit his senior year. I found myself having some conversations that sounded familiar with athletes I taught, tutored, and mentored at institutions like the University of Kentucky, University of Nebraska-Lincoln, Univeristy of Georgia, and Tennessee State University. And I found myself wondering which type of person would my son show himself to be by the end of our conversation.

It always started out the same with "They didn't do me right. I should have gotten a better grade. I did "B" work." After I asked a few questions the next stage was generally the one where we began to figure out whose definition of "B" work we were working with. Of course, it was always theirs which was most of the time off by about a letter grade. Then we had to deal with what to do next because my philosophy is simply "It is what is. Now what?" How do you deal with the situation? What are your next steps? What do these grades say about the person?

My son was talking about grades but it could have been replaced with any sort of disappointment in the assessment of your performance or your actual performance. Things don't always go the way that we want them to go. We don't always get what we THINK we deserve. Sometimes the evaluation really is unfair. Sometimes we really didn't do as well as we thought we did. But the end result is the same...disappointment!

Disappointment comes because we expect one outcome and receive a different one. As long as you are alive you will have disappointments. So what! So what it didn't turn out the way you thought it would or wanted it to. So what! Life is not over! Now what? Cry right now. Vent right now. But then you have to be done with the crying, venting, moping, moaning, groaning, and complaining! Life goes on!

By the end of our conversation, after my son had quit school and basketball and life, he began to talk about what he had to do to fix his situation. Before he got to the fixing while he was still in his disappointment, I told him two things that I hope helped change his perspective. The first thing I told him was that I loved him. No matter what his grades were or how much playing time he got or what his performance was on the court, I loved him. The second thing I told him was that I was proud of him. I was proud of him because he was a good person. I was proud of him because he did not run away from tough times or challenges. I was proud of him because he was man enough to make his own decisions and deal with the consequences. I was proud of him because he had character.

Now I don't know if those things made a difference in his thought processes or how long it took him to get from the problem to the solution, but I knew that I had to let him know that I loved him and was proud of him. I won't say that I did not bring some things to his remembrance before I told him those two things but I wanted him to know that no matter what he could count on those two things.

I don't know what your disappointments are or have been, but I do know a few things.

1. The only ways to guarantee failure are to not try or to give up.
2. Failing to reach the goal is not failure, but failing to keep moving is.
3. Falling down or falling short is not failure, but failing to get up is.
4. The only failures in life are those who have a dream and FAIL to pursue it with all that they have!
5. Disappointment will come, so what! Now what?

Life can be hard and unfair, but oh well, keep it moving. When your results don't match your expectations, maybe you need to change your beliefs, thoughts, and/or behaviors. If you really want to change your outcomes, then change your inputs! Don't spend your time focusing on your disappointment. Spend your time making your expectation your reality or change your expectation. It really is that simple.

For more endless wisdom and timeless lessons, visit http://www.drveronicaglass.com/ and purchase your copy of Use Your Buckets: Twelve Life Lessons for Success. This book was featured on The Balancing Act on Lifetime. See the interview on national television on January 5th @6 am CST/7am EST. Share this information with a friend and follow the blog that is changing people's lives by changing their perspectives!

Disappointed No More,

Dr. VG