What is it that you are looking for in your life? What I have discovered is that we find what we are looking for in some shape form or fashion. You may be saying to yourself, "Well, I've been looking for a good man and I haven't found one yet." Let me stop you there. Your first error is that you are looking for him instead of looking for HIM. You see the Bible declares that "HE who finds a wife, findeth a good thing." You are trying to do something that is not your job. You are out of position. He has to find you. Men are hunters and they like to hunt. If there is no hunt, they do not see the value. They are not gatherers walking through the garden picking grapes. There is no challenge in that. In other words, you can't be too easy. I'm not saying play games, but what I am saying is recognize your value and don't make it easy for him to obtain you. He should have to go through some things to prove that he wants and to prove that he DESERVES you!
Now I would wager that if you are looking for a GOOD man and not finding him that besides the error of looking you may not know what a GOOD man looks like to recognize him. Some of you are really upset with me but I have to say this. As women we often say we want a good man, but we can't really define what a good man is. Or in the words of one of my male friends, the standard has become so low that a mediocre man looks good and a good man looks great! We usually are simply seeking A MAN preferably one with a job, his own place, and a car, but we're flexible. Flexible to a fault is what I call it. We're so flexible we find ourselves in relationships with and God forbid married to men who on their best day when God is finished with them could not be what and who we need for where we are going. Does that sound familiar?
However, women are not alone in this syndrome. How many men do I personally know who have told me their women woes only for me to realize that they too were settling for less than they deserve. They have women who do not respect them as men, who always have something smart to say, who cuss them out, who demean and belittle them, who don't want to work, who make more money than they do and feel it makes them the boss and the head, who won't cook, clean, or have children, who want to use children to keep them and control them, who look good for everyone else but look a HOT MESS at home, who won't have sex with them (if they are married) but did when they were dating! It sounds like craziness because it is!
So why do we settle? We settle because we don't believe that someone really exists who can meet our needs. Now I want you to understand that no one is perfect and I'm not talking about perfection, but I am talking about compatibility. If you really want to be found by a GOOD MAN, focus on becoming a GOOD WOMAN. If you really want to find a GOOD WOMAN, focus on becoming a GOOD MAN.
The reality is our focus is misplaced. If we work on becoming the best us that we can be, then we will begin to draw people like us into our space. But everyone who is drawn into our space is not there for a romantic or sexual relationship. Some people are drawn into our lives so that we can become more comfortable with characteristics, qualities, and traits, that we are not accustomed to the opposite sex having. They provide a safe place for us to learn to handle people with those qualities that we desire without swooning and losing our minds! Again mediocre seems good and good seems great!
Seek God. Seek You. And when you find God and yourself, all of the rest will fall into place. Begin to do the things that you want to do with your mate by yourself or with a friend. Go to places that you to go with your mate. Start doing it now and get comfortable doing it so that when you go with them you will not be so excited to be doing it that you lose your mind, your morals, or your masculinity. Guys, no REAL woman REALLY wants a man who gives them everything they want and says yes to everything they say. Not really because it gets tired and they begin to not respect you. Just say NO sometimes but not all of the time.
When you seek your best self, you will draw their best self. Start now. Identifying the characteristics you desire in a mate and work on those areas where you find yourself deficient. Position yourself to be found, Ladies, but don't put a for sale and on sale 50% off sign on yourself. Gentlemen, look for a woman who you can take home to mama and to church, but be sure that she has some fire so you want to take her to your home and keep her too! Don't get the good girl and be mad because she's not the bad girl. There really is a middle ground...a lady in the streets, and a firecracker in the sheets.
At the end of the day, if you invest in being your best self and living happily ever now, then if they come or you find them great. But if they don't, then you haven't spent your life waiting for someone else to complete you or give you permission to enjoy life. I'm just saying seek God and yourself and focus on living happily ever NOW and watch how much more enjoyable your life becomes!
For more timeless lessons and endless wisdom, visit http://www.drveronicaglass.com/and purchase your copy of Use Your Buckets: Twelve Life Lessons for Success. This book was featured on The Balancing Act on Lifetime. See the interview by clicking The Balancing Act banner on http://www.drveronicaglass.com/. Share this information with a friend and follow the blog that is changing people's lives by changing their perspectives!
Seeking God and Finding ME,
Dr. VG
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